TARDIS Exploration
by Doctor who romance
Summary: Amy's exploring the Tardis, but what'll she find? And where's that pool got to? Includes flying ice cream, shopping trips gone mad, a stereo on full blast at 4 am, plus practical jokes gone mad. Involves popcorn and The Banana Song.
1. Chapter 1

Amy was exploring the TARDIS. So many rooms! The wardrobe was her favourite. It had everything from ball gowns to Halloween costumes, jeans to jumpsuits, gladiator sandals and a very large stock of heels that she was sure had expanded since her arrival. One shelf was full of multicoloured bow ties, and there were 5 huge, floor length gilt mirrors dotted around the room. The shelves went up to the distant ceiling, and everything was alphabetically referenced. There were at least 10 flights of stairs up to the top, and Amy seemed to find that as soon as she wanted something, she seemed to find it about two seconds later.

Her second favourite was her bedroom and en-suite bathroom. Her bedroom was bright cobalt blue, with a huge, four-poster bed and silk sheets embroidered with her adventures with the Doctor. She suspected that the stories changed each day. There was a large cd player with a cd stack that had all of her favourite cds in, and a huge, futuristic flatscreen TV that seemed to be able to sense what she wanted to watch without pressing any buttons. She also got a lamp with tiny mirrors inside that reflected the light everywhere. This was touch sensitive, so when she tapped it, it dimmed into darkness. Her dressing table had the largest stock of make-up, and perfume that she'd ever seen in her life. The window view was never boring, once it was the London block from Starship UK, and the next it was what Amy was sure the Buckingham Palace gardens from the Queen's bedroom. The window was framed by pale chiffon curtains, and a vase of freshly picked flowers stood next to a quaint antique alarm clock. Several doors led from her room; one was a shortcut to the wardrobe, (She suspected the TARDIS had put that there on purpose) there was also a very amusing route to the main control room which involved sliding down a tube, and then zip wiring onto a set of stairs. The other lead through a long passage lined with photos of New York mixed with what looked like the original Girl with a pearl earring and the Mona Lisa to a flash kitchen with loads of cooking equipment. But the last door lead to her bathroom, a large, airy room with no windows and a sumptuous bath matt on the floor. Her favourite shampoo and conditioner stood on a small shelf by the huge bath and shower. The mirror above the sink had multiple plugs for hairdryers and curling tongs, and a billion different skincare products in the cupboard next to it. There were always large white fluffy towels and a huge pink bathrobe hanging over the radiator. In the corner there was a toilet and a huge comfy armchair that she could read in.

Amy had everything she wanted, but there was just one thing wrong, she couldn't find the swimming pool! Then one day another door appeared on her wall, went inside unknowingly, and found herself plummeting down a brightly lit waterslide, dressed in normal clothes, to come out with a resounding SPLASH! Water dripped down the walls and she could see the Doctor in hysterics. She glared at him, grabbed his legs and pulled him in. He hit the water with an even bigger splash, his hair plastered to his forehead, and he spluttered water out of his mouth, completely soaked.

Amy had got out and was laughing as she went go and get changed.

"That teaches you not to laugh at me!"

"Sorry Amy. Can you give me some help here?" Amy took pity on him and pulled him out

"Also...can I borrow your hairdryer?"


	2. Chapter 2

Amy Pond was sitting her bathroom, reading a book, when she noticed a cloud of steam coming from her sink. She went over and looked, to find that her expensive, Toni & Guy hairdryer was completely fried. She was sure that the Doctor had used it after the swimming pool episode/fiasco.

"DOCTOR!"

As usual, he came in without knocking

"Yes?"

"What's this?"

Amy showed him the hairdryer, and he looked nervous.

"What's this"

"Umm, well, ur..."

"YOU COMPLETELY FRIED IT!" The Doctor's knees began knocking together as he tried to back out of the door, but Amy grabbed his bow tie (A la Eleventh hour) and made him stay

"Well, it got too hot so I put it down!"  
"This is totally ruined. We're going shopping." The Doctor groaned

"It's your fault. That'll teach you never to leave a boiling hot hairdryer on the side of a sink"

The Doctor walked off, muttering about accidents and forgiving people.

"And whilst I'm there we're getting a handbook on home safety!"

What do you think? Another sequel?


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor poked his head out, wincing. Amy had made him come to the largest shopping centre he could find. It was 20 buildings, 60 floors and 1000 shops. Unfortunately, Amy had found his stack of psychic credit cards and had pleaded with him till he let her have one. She had argued that he always said most things were overpriced anyway, and he needed to pay her back for the hairdryer anyway, and so in the end the Doctor had given in.

Amy ran out of the TARDIS with glee, with the Doctor looking bored behind.

"Can't I wait in the TARDIS?"

"No! You broke it!"

"I could fix it for you."

"No you couldn't, the fan's fallen out and if you tried to use it you'd probably blow your head off. Now come **on**!" She ran straight away into the nearest Kurt Geiger store, dragging the Doctor along with her.

6 hours later, they trailed back to the TARDIS with about 30 large bags of stuff.

"Oh no!" The Doctor looked at her sceptically.

"We've forgotten the hairdryer!" He looked at her in horror, ran to his room and bolted the door, with sounds of chairs and tables being piled up against it. Amy laughed

"I was joking! The look on your face!"

"Thank god!" He came out with a relieved look

"No really, we have,"

The End


	4. Chapter 4

"Doctor, what are you doing?" asked Amy. The Doctor spun around looking like a little boy caught eating sweets.

"I was. Um."

"You were talking to the TARDIS, weren't you?" Amy giggled

"No! I wasn't talking to the TARDIS!"

"Then who were you talking to then?" He looked puzzled, then had a brainwave

"You!"

Amy folded her arms

"I wasn't in the room. And I doubt you would say: who's a lovely girl then, to me."

His face fell.

"Alright, I was. Anything wrong with that?"  
Amy stifled laughter.

"No, nothing. Talking to a machine is as normal as... eating fish fingers dipped in custard"

"But that's not normal, only I do that"  
"That's the point. Now where're we going?"

This is set just before Flesh and Stone. Next up, the latter from Amy's point of view, a bit darker than usual but I wanted to have a go!


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor was bent over the console, humming a symphony to himself. But his peace was quickly interrupted when a very large blob of melting ice cream smacked into the back of his neck. He turned around indignantly

"What was that for?!"

"Sorry! I was aiming for the target!"

Said Amy, cringing as she ran down the staircase to the control room. She was carrying one of those things with a rubber band and a forked stick that the Doctor could never remember the name of. The Doctor looked behind him, and sure enough there was a very large and colourful target fixed to the wall.

"How come she never gave me an ice-cream machine?!" He kicked the TARDIS angrily. The TARDIS seemed to chuckle loudly at him. The Doctor looked like a toddler who'd been stopped from swallowing Lego.

"Because she thinks I'm cooler than you, obviously." Said Amy grinning.

"Huh, as if. Come on Pond; show me this ice-cream machine!" He cried, looking excited.

"It's in the kitchen. Only thing is, I haven't found out how to turn it off" Said Amy

"Who cares? The most important thing is that we've got ice cream!" Amy rolled her eyes at his childishness.

But when they arrived at the kitchen, they stopped in horror. Ice cream dripped from the walls, spilled from the sink and cupboards, and huge splatters were on the window.

Amy and the Doctor's eyes grew huge

"Oh. My. God" Amy said looking at the Doctor

To her surprise, he started to laugh uncontrollably

"Amelia Jessica Pond, you are mad!"

Amy started to laugh too, and they both slid around on the ice-cream covered floor having hysterics. Then they heard a deep grumble from the TARDIS, and Amy threw a lump of ice cream at the ceiling with vengeance. The Doctor followed it with one of his boots and a spare bow tie

"Serves you right!" She yelled loudly. But the TARDIS wasn't having any of that. The ice cream machine started to produce ice cream at an incredible speed, a huge dollop hit Amy on the nose and she fell over, whilst three even bigger ones smacked the Doctor in the chest, bow tie and ear. Soon they were both covered in ice-cream and shouting curses at the top of their voices

"You stupid machine! This is my favourite mini-skirt!"

"This is what you give me for years of care!"

But it just went ever faster, and they were both soon pinned to the floor. Then the TARDIS decided it had had enough, and with one last SPLAT on each of them, in places not to be mentioned, it stopped.

"Hey, I found a coffee machine too!"

"Muffle Muffle muff-grr" The Doctor's mouth was completely obscured by the ice cream. Amy wiped it off and he said

"No way. Not ever. We would get burn alive."

"Please. I'll clean the TARDIS for a week." Persuaded Amy, knowing she would win. Cleaning was one of his pet hates.

"Oh, alright."

"And I found cake machine too." In his mind's eye, the Doctor could see himself and Amy with Victoria sponges on their heads and cream on their noses

"NO!"

The end.

Okay, another chapter done. The weeping angels one is in my other story Amy's Diary. This is strictly light and funny!


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, I had writers block but then this came along, hope u like it! I don't own Doctor Who duh! I'm a person writing fan fiction! Also songs belong to Florence (Love ya girl!) and Marina and the Diamonds (You too!) While I was writing this I did indeed have it on full blast and replay, whilst dancing mentally around the room! It just had to be these songs; I could see Amy singing these.**

Amy jumped as music came blaring out of nowhere. She dragged herself out of bed and checked the time wearily. Four o'clock in the morning. This had better be good she thought, as she put on her dressing gown. For as much as she loved Florence, she did not appreciate it in the early hours of the morning.

_You hit me once, I hit you back, you gave a kick, I gave a slap, you smashed a plate over my head, then I set fire to our bed (bang, bang, bang, bang)_

She started to laugh as she ran through to the control room. The Doctor was whacking a set of speakers with a large stick, hence the bang, bang, bang, bang noise

"SHUT UP!!!" He yelled loudly

"Never knew you liked Florence and the Machine" She said, slyly wandering in. The Doctor went red as she crossed her arms. She was wearing her 'Explain or you're dead' look

"I can't shut it up! I tried to turn it off but it got jammed on full blast" He shouted as a guitar squealed loudly

_My black eye casts no shadow, Your red eye sees nothing, Your slap don't stick  
Your kicks don't hit, So we remain the same, Love sticks, Sweat drips, Break the lock if it don't fit_

"You idiot. Actually, this could be quite useful, wait one minute." Amy ran into a closet that supplied guitars and grabbed one. She ran back in and started playing with vigour.

"Hang on...It's on replay!" She shouted as it started again, even louder.

But the Doctor was not there. He entered with a red electric guitar

"I didn't know you could play!" Amy shouted

"Full of surprises, me" He grinned at her

_A kick to the teeth is good for some, A kiss with a fist is better than none, A kiss with a fist is better than none!_

"The only way to change the song is to say what you want in the mike" The Doctor said, winking at her. Amy went over and shouted

"Mowgli's road by Marina and the Diamonds!" She returned to him triumphantly. But he looked puzzled

"What's that?"

"Oh, you oldie, you only know Ian Dury and the Beatles!"

_Ten silver spoons comin' after me_

_One life with one dream on repeat_

_Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I have been told, I have been told, I must take the unforsaken road, unforsaken road,_

_There's a fork in the road, I'll do as I am told, don't k now don't know don't know don't know, whooooo I wanna be!_

"This is actually quite good!" The Doctor said, looking happy

"Told you so!" Said Amy, strumming happily

_We are the spoons, mentally mean, they're telling me_

_We scooped our way into your dreams, to knock the knives out bloody cold,_

_And lead you down the unforsaken road!_

**That's all for now, hope you luuuurve it!**


	7. Chapter 7

Amy staggered through the seemingly endless corridors of the TARDIS, completely whacked and slightly tipsy. She'd never been so tired in her life. Amy had been prepared for aliens and monsters chasing her down spaceships, but not this. She couldn't remember much except dropping her guitar, singing loudly and whacking the stereo. The Doctor seemed to have drunk a little too much judging by the way he was walking around the TARDIS banging into walls and doors and occasionally bursting into song "Hit me with your rhythm stick!" "I am a spoon, metally mean!" And then managed to whack himself seven times in a row with a burning candle stick and setting the tips of his eyebrows alight. He promptly dunked his head into a nearby bucket of nearby ice cream "Aaaah, that's better!" After an hour Amy could endure no more. He had so far jumped into the pool, slipped on the wet floor in the kitchen, set the speakers off again, causing Amy to scream curses at him as loud as she could, turned all the showers on five times, knocked over the shelves in the library, chucked several books at her door, and made the TARDIS do loop-the-loops round a supernova. Amy had had enough. She marched through to the control room where he was doing cartwheels and saying "Wheeee!" and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. He smiled at her blearily "Aaaaaamy!" He shouted "Where're we going today then"

"Bed." He raised his eyebrows. Amy yelled at him

"Shut up! This is not funny!" And slapped him ten times hard round the face. He went cross eyed.

"What waaas that fooor?" He was still completely drunk

"You are going to shut up now or you will pay. I cannot get to sleep because you keep doing stupid stuff!" Plus you are totally hammered and it's all **your **fault because you turned the damn stereo on."

He looked at her woozily "Sorry Amy. Can I play some music now?"

"No you cannot! Straight to sleep and I'm throwing this stupid thing out the window." Amy picked up the stereo and chucked out into space.

The Doctor attempted to jump after it but Amy caught him around the ankle

"Nooooo! My baby!" Amy glared at him. She was going to go metal with him tomorrow

"You are going to sleep, now." She dragged him down the corridors and into his room, whence she locked his door and gave him a warning

"Any noise at all and you will face the consequences, which believe me you don't want to."

Thank god he had settled down, she thought.

Next morning Amy was settled in her favourite chair in the kitchen. Then a sober Doctor walked in looking sheepish.

She folded her arms and stared at him.

"Sorry Amy."

"You should be!"

"I couldn't help it!"

"I rather think it is possible to stop yourself downing several bottles of vodka."

"Umm. Yes."

"And to make rude jokes, which I'd rather not remember."

It was the Doctor's turn to go bright red now

"Ah, sorry about that, most uncalled for" He mumbled

" Oh, alright. But ever, ever do that again and I shall throw everything you own out of the TARDIS and slap you into oblivion. Understand?"

He nodded sorrowfully

"But...Can we buy a new stereo?"

"Not unless you take me shopping again."

"Fine." The Doctor pouted and Amy grinned triumphantly


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Okay! I am sure you would like to know why I haven't updated this in YEARS, and why I haven't apologised each to you with a large cybercookie with your name on it. The first answer is that I've been busy working on other stories (This room, complete with a flowery description, is in my story "The TARDIS's Many Rooms" along with lots of others. I update that quite a lot, take a look you lovely ducks!) and my other reason is I'm incredibly lazy too **

**(JinxSaw, James Birdsong, Firefly Princess x, Haine Toliver, Imaginary Words, The Doctor is Theta Sigma, Son of Whitebeard, and Maira the Panda) - your massive cybercookie! Enjoy!**

**I am so so so SO sorry I haven't updated this for ages. I love you all for reading this (Yes that's you, JinxSaw, James Birdsong, Firefly Princess x, Haine Toliver, Imaginary Words, The Doctor is Theta Sigma, Son of Whitebeard, and Maira the Panda, all of you)**

**Tallulah xxx**

The Doctor and Amy had just spent the day on a very warm, sandy planet sunbathing, when they got chased back to the TARDIS again by some angry locals (Don't even ask). Soon they decided to go swimming, but the TARDIS put her foot down and refused to travel anywhere else, as she was annoyed with the Doctor because she'd got covered with sand. So they decided to go swimming in the swimming pool room instead, to appease her. However, a series of practical jokes started before long, involving showers of pop corn, and a lollipop hidden in the Doctor's swimming trunks

"Come on Pond!" The Doctor yelled impatiently, tapping his foot loudly

"One minute! God Doctor, I need some time!" Amy bellowed

The Doctor was just about to go and find her, when he decided to play a trick on her...

Amy jumped out of the wardrobe door

"BOO!" Then she looked around and realised the Doctor wasn't there

"Great" she muttered, as she went to look for him

"Amy, I'm stuck in the archway, come and help me?" Amy rolled her eyes at his whiny voice, and climbed up to the high stone ach atop a depthy, emerald green pool.

"YAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" The Doctor jumped out at her, and gave her a push

"AARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!" Amy screamed and fell off the edge of the arch, her limbs flailing wildly

The Doctor looked shocked, and then started to laugh hysterically as she fell into the pool below with a noise like a pop-gun and the biggest splash he'd EVER seen in his whole nine-hundred and something years.

"The-Pond-fell-in-the-pond!" He wheezed, "HA-HA-HA!"

However he stopped laughing as she didn't come up again...

Unbeknownst to the Doctor, as Amy rocketed to the bottom of the pool, she accidentally flicked a light switch with her foot. Instantly the room was utterly dark, and once Amy realised what she'd done, she decided to pay the Doctor back for his little joke...

The Doctor sat down cross legged on the arch, calling Amy's name half-heartedly, but when she didn't answer, he started to sing his self-composed song, originally called the Banana Song:

"BAAAAANNNAAAANNAAAAAS! You are my best friend, even better than the Pond who fell in the POOOOOONNNNNDDD-"

"OAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMYYYYYYY!"

He yelled as he was pushed in by Amy who sneaked up behind him

"And THAT," Amy said, looking triumphant, "is why gingers ROCK!"

She folded her arms, lost her balance, and fell over backwards, again into the pool.

"Not again!"


	9. Chapter 9

The Doctor was not happy. As he'd fallen off the ledge above the pool, he'd luckily managed to grab hold of a plant, preventing him from falling into the water. What wasn't so lucky was that this plant had as nearly a wicked sense of humour as Amy, and had held him dangling from the elastic of his bow tie for nearly an hour, wheezing occasionally with laughter. Finally, after his threat to sing the entire repertoire of Rocky Horror nonstop, the thing let him down, grumbling- only to trip him up halfway to the door.

He had stormed to his room in a sulk, kicking everything he could see and throwing everything else.

"I. HATE. THINGS," he shouted at his teddy bear, which appeared to raise its eyebrows slightly.

The Doctor didn't care. Mr Snuffles could be sarcastic if he wanted, he'd soon see what vengeance the Doctor was planning to wreak on that menace of a Pond...

At half past two in the morning, the Doctor tiptoed across the hall in his tartan slippers, occasionally shushing the pictures along the walls. He opened the door to the music room, and found himself a drum, four cymbals, an accordion, a bugle, a tuba, flute, a recorder, a clarinet, a harmonica and some sleigh bells, which he attached to his eyebrows and seemed to find most amusing. Also, disturbingly there were some bagpipes...

Half an hour later, Amy Pond was roused from a restful sleep by the sound of what seemed to be a full (but extremely odd) orchestra walking the halls outside her bedroom. Jumping out of bed and falling over on the floor in the process, she was about to yank the door open when her ears caught the strain of a familiar melody.

"BAAAAANNNAAAANNAAAAAS! You are my best friend, even better than the Pond who fell in the POOOOOONNNNNDDD-

The door opened nearly in her face, and two cymbals clashed together.

"Right, this is not funny! You'll pay for this, you, you-" Amy spluttered, lost for words

The Doctor simply wiggled his eyebrows, jingling the sleigh bells.


End file.
